I got a record deal offer
no fuckin way..

I'm in Hawaii right now. There's lots to say but right now all I can think about is Jungle Bell Rock. I just accidentally spelled jingle as jungle. I'm not fixing it.

Anyway I was sitting in the car in the costco parking lot today and all of a sudden the line "giddy up jingle horse pick up your feet," came to my mind probably because I went shopping today in stores that only played shitty christmas music (like the christian pop rock kind, not the classics) and ok WHAT THE FUCK is a jingle horse? How can such a creature pick up its feet and jingle around the clock if it DOESN'T EXIST?
I guess that's the last concern when it comes to christmas though...real vs. not real. Jingle horses are merely appetizers to the banquet of holiday mind games.

Ok I'm done

my birthday's tomorrow...hi :)

i have to get up at 7am. and i have way too much energy to fall asleep right now. every word i write with the letter p in it takes me forever because the key is broken. i have no idea how it broke. i just ate enough to feed 12 people. i hate that letter. offically

Tomorrow when
The world wakes up
I'll be in
Another town

i think people really must have types...either that or they try and replicate people. because essentially every person i've ever had anything with has either been with someone who looks just like me already, or gets with someone who looks just like me afterwards

fuck

I'M DELIRIOUSLY PISSED OFF

oh evasiveness

not with you. with meaningless blog entries

Yes, I'm done.

Yes, I'm done.

Yes

Done

Done

Yes

Yes.

ok but really...for tonight. i'm done. for tonight, yes, i'm done, for tonight, i'm done with you

HAHA if you've ever kept up with my blog you know that's a lie

i'm not going to bed, but i AM going to stop putting up meaningless blog entries

i'm not really going to bed
BIG SECRET

goodnight

homicide is never funny to joke about. sorry

i'm not really homicidal...that was a joke

I LOVE BREATHY MALE FALSETTO VOICES WHEN I'M HOMICIDAL

i even put on a soothing song. survival by the colorful quiet. go listen to it. if you are really getting a good depiction of my mood right now, you observant one you, and then press play on this song, you will laugh. if laughter is not your response then your depiction of my mood was wrong

you know, tonight i accidentally knocked my medication over and it all fell into the sink and dissolved. you are going to have a miserable next few days. yes you. not me.

ok hahahaha you've punished me happy

it really would have been fine, tomorrow, if i had gotten SLEEP

im so nervous and stressed about tomorrow

i hate this so much i wish i could sleep

yeah, that's why

So I can post shit like this all night long when I should be sleeping

REALLY WHY DO I HAVE A BLOG

why do i even have a blog

fuck you, fuck your stupid irrational thinking, fuck your denial, fuck the fact that you think you're not in denial and think everyone always uses denial to get people do admit they have a problem, fuck the fact that now you're throwing me into a category of "everyone else who thinks that way about you," fuck your double edged sword that backs me into a corner and makes me unable to say anything, fuck hanging up the phone just so you can have the last word before i can even say my point, fuck you for making it so I can't sleep when I have to get up in 2 hours, fuck you for making me not want to play guitar because the only song I feel like playing lately is about you, fuck you for making me sound cliche, fuck you for not understanding what I'm trying to tell you, fuck you for not listening, fuck you for not texting me back, fuck the fact that i like you so much, fuck you for making me so angry, fuck you for being able to effect me again, fuck you.

I give up

i'm sitting my room in a red onesy eating yogurt with rainbow sprinkles and peanut-butter filled pretzels and orange jello and no, i am not ok.

sometimes you make me so paranoid i almost just call it quits

i need coffee and i don't want to talk to you today for reasons that have nothing to do with not wanting to talk to you

I feel really off.
But in an on top of things sort of kind of way
I'm on my way to work
I like never have work anymore
Yet I don't want to go
I just want to stay home and be a bum in my room festering with disgusting amounts of dirty laundry and gross shit in it and think about all the things I need and want to do with everything
I want my guitar back