Picnic

Apparently, people like picnics.
Apparently, when people make picnic plans and other people fuck with their picnic, shit goes down.

I was at work today and no kids showed up. So instead, I was reading that book Speaking With the Angel by Nick Hornby, because apparently for every copy sold of that book one dollar gets contributed to the building of schools for autistic children, which means that I kind of was doing my job, my job is to help kids, that book helps kids, and it's probably better to read a book that implies I am inadvertently helping children and making the world a better place then a book that doesn't, and it happened to be the book I had with me and was in the middle of reading anyway, so I actually didn't plan that one out, at all, but it made me feel better about the fact that I was reading as oppose to doing my job.
ANYWAY.
It's about 12:15 now, and I've been Speaking with the Angel for about an hour and 15 minutes now. I meant to write that I'd been READING Speaking with the Angel for about an hour and 15 minutes, not that I was literally Speaking with the Angel for about an hour and 15 minutes, but I thought it was a worthwhile typo, so I don't really want to change it.
So it's 12:15 and I get a call from one of my...superiors...in the workplace...(she's not my supervisor and she's not my boss, but she makes more money than me and has authority over me so I don't really know what to call her but anyway, she called me.)
"There's a family who paid for and reserved the picnic area for their daughters birthday party, and another family has tried to take over 3 of their tabels and refuses to leave. The birthday party family has a permit with them to prove that they have rights to be there, so if you could kindly ask the other family to leave, that'd be great."
Ok.
So I get off the phone with my workplacesuperior and go outside to these two families fighting. I'm suppossed to break them up.
Hahahahaha.
I'm 5'5 and 133 pounds. I can play with children. I can answer phone calls. I can flush toilets for 4 year olds who say they don't know how. I'm also pretty good with talking to children who don't speak English. We talk through hand gestures. Gargling noises. Paint brushes. Anyway. The point is I don't break up fights.
I get out there and this pregnant lady is yelling at this other lady to get out of their picnic space, she's showing her permit and the family-whos-not-supposed to be there starts yelling back about how they've been there since six-in-the-morning-mother-fucker, and I'm like
"Hi there! My name's Elissa I work for the parks department I was just told by my boss...superviser...uhhh...well neither really she's kind of my--anyway I was told by her that you need to leave because this other family has a permit to be here."
They looked like they were about to laugh. Or punch me potentially.
Then this lady in the-family-who-wasn't-supposed to be there picks up her phone and calls someone.
"EXCUSE ME YES THERE'S A LITTLE RACIST CAUCASION GIRL HERE TRYINA KICK US OUT OF THE PARK COME IMMEDIATELY!"
Unnecessary.
I ran.
The yelling started getting really out of hand, and being a not racist person at all getting accussed of racism really sucked, and regardless of that, these people who weren't supposed to be there who were my responsibilty (haha) to kick off, were still there, my worksuperior person wouldn't pick up the phone, this woman who said I was racist was getting on the phone with the cops, so I ran inside and called them before she could.
I don't. like. cops.
I also don't like calling them.
Basically it was just a really shitty situation.
So these cops come, ask me questions, hours go by, these people won't leave and start a whole scene, start yelling at these cops, come inside and talk to my worksuperiorperson saying they want to take it to court...
IT WAS OVER. A PICNIC.
Apparently there was some talk about me getting beaten up. I am small indeed, and probably not a very satisfying prospect to beat up. Eventually they agreed I think, because I didn't get beat up.
What's funny is after hours and hours of sorting this shit out, both parties ended up continuing on with their picnics.
I would have gone home. And cried.
Seriously. Fuck picnics.